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Collective Experience Reflection Part 3: Resentment, Clash & Death

The Truth about Anonymous Pt.4 - Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

The entire Anon experience is one big self-fulfilling prophecy. The more insults that were thrown towards Anon, the more that those very insults defined how Anon designed cards. I didn’t begin the journey of designing anonymously with any sort of bad intentions at all, but my behaviors became more and more bad faith as time went on. 

At first, I was worried because of the voting advantage that designing under Anon's account has. Every player can’t vote on their own cards, but as an Anon, I can upvote my own designs, that is quite an unfair advantage considering that the player base is only around 10 people max. 

Then I see how the VC gang (who drinks Goat blood every day btw) acts: Lyman downvotes a card in 1 second without even reading it, likely because it is not his card. Acoustic tags 3 other people and ask them to upvote his card (vote manipulation). 

As much as Wujek loves to deny this, the VC gang groupthink was very apparent. Would Bonk have used the Announcement channel to make fun of Chairs if it wasn’t for the “narratives” that were building in the VC? I don’t go there all the time but Wujek and the gang are always insulting something whenever I am there, whether it is Hofi being homophobic ages ago, or Zinker for having a full-time job and not being able to help Acoustic with blocking right away (just Acoustic is like this for this one, clarifying), having a mental breakdown over Corn’s card gaining 2 life instead of 1… 

The point is, I felt like the “community” thrived on the feeling of hate over anything else, they always need something to feel outraged at something. I read past messages sometimes, even before I joined Collective, and the patterns of “superiority complex” are very apparent to me. Turns out Anonymous was just the latest toy they can use to dump their pent-up feelings towards. 

Then, whenever the community is “criticized” for toxic behaviors. They just send memes to deflect the topic or say “cope” for not getting cards in, and then get surprised when people want to limit their interactions with them. 

Who cares about the hypothetical value of fairness when these are the people that I am up against? I didn’t want to downvote in bad faith at first, but the idea of having an unfair advantage didn’t worry me anymore.

If you want to downvote all Anon cards and upvote all VC gang cards, I can do the same. I will upvote all Anon + Zinker cards and downvote everything else, sure I like Zinker, but I like how certain people hate their designs. Upvoting Zinker cards makes it less likely that Anon cards get in, but if more Zinker cards get in, the less happy they will feel and that will be good. 

When I looked at monsterland’s cards from before, they were cards that were more “normal”. But once Wujek started throwing insults, monsterland’s cards were designed as responses to these insults rather than based on one of their random philosophies of what makes a card good anymore. 

Zinker too. Under every single one of his cards is just “this is bad, this is bad, this is not a good idea” and Acoustic losing his mind. He designed “The Worst Card” out of frustration too. I loved that card because that is exactly how I feel every time I open the card creator.

The toxicity continued for months but there was no way to speak up without fully revealing my identity. I could only watch and endure everything in silence, watching players assume the worst for people who, by miracle, actually cared about Collective enough to even want to make something for this game. 

It got so bad that it reached a point where monsterland asked “Should we create cards based on insulting the members of the community?” While others in the Anon server said no, I somewhat supported that idea because I didn’t want to feel like a punching bag anymore. Hell, I was the one who wanted to create a realm based on subtly making fun of the “community”, a parody of “Collective”, Law of Reciprocity. 

If Anon and the “community” went to war and used cards to diss each other, Collective would actually have a “color” of its own instead of pretending to be Hearthstone. Things would have gotten more toxic, I would have hated my life even more than I do now, I can pretend to be a victim harder, and it would have been glorious. 

I started making designs with genuine excitement, but as time went on, I truly became an “anti-community” and spiteful designer that just wanted to see the game burn. 

Voting Pattern

During discussions of “voting” a month-ish ago, people (Wujek) talk about this, “hypothetical” player base that wants the metagame to be good, and that wants the designs to be good. But he ignores the fact that a game’s player base is made up of players (this line is for you Deadz0n). For Collective, we can literally just write out the list of players and make an analysis based on that. 

We have Sevas that wants giga-broken cards (albeit wants the card to be at least interesting), an advocate of 1 mana 3|3. Magneter, Lovepon, monsterland were all in Anon Server. The only other player who played Multiplayer consistently last year is Cornmeals and he usually expresses disagreements with the rest of the VC on how things should be balanced. I wonder if these players would have a vision of how the game should be balanced in the same way that the VC gang does and make the game better. 

How did I really vote? Ever since joining Anon, one of the factors I actually considered is “Would this make the VC gang (Wujek & Acoustic) angry?” Anytime when a card gets openly criticized by Wujek/Acoustic, I would instantly upvote it. 

Spike Punishment is the best example, I felt strongly that this is the kind of card that the VC gang would hate since it punishes people for playing optimally without doing anything actually “interesting”. I upvoted the card predicting outrages to happen (I liked the card either way since it is relatable, unique, and funny). 

On the night before the results, Sayomi saw the card and I encouraged them to upvote this card. The next day, results came in, Spike Punishment barely just made it and a predictable shitstorm came in over a card that was “badly designed”. 

The comedy of it all is just seeing people complaining and crying over non-issues. Then, when players leave due to hostility, they just “couldn’t handle the criticism”. Certain people (Anon and Zinker) are also just anti-collaborative in this “group project” that is literally owned by the VC gang. 

What is the role of the “owners of Collective”? Four members are responsible for crying about designs and zero members try to come up with ways to market the game because the entire VC thinks the product is awful but then at the same time kick themselves in the foot when they try to improve the game. So much for “our game”.  (Okay this one is a bit too passive aggressive and I am sorry, but it still reflects how I feel)

The Worst Week: Week 10 - 6! r/collectivecg. How did this happen? It was a slow week with relatively few submissions, the overall quality of cards were "low". On Dec.21st, Acoustic submitted ~25 cards in an attempt to “save” the week. And I was tired of him submitting cards that way. I counter-spammed a submission of ~20 cards right after, not because they would get in, but to reduce the chance of random players voting on one of their cards. In the end, only 1 out of his many submissions went in at the 12th Patreon spot. While the rest were claimed by “terrible designs”. 

The “community” was visibly frustrated. I liked that. Another one to the trophy collection. 

Death of Collective: Unresolved Philosophy Clash

One thing that Cornmeals said has stuck out to my mind: “I think people should enjoy the game how they want.” Ultimately, that is what everyone wanted, but the conflicts come in when the way person A enjoys the game “hurts” person B, and vice versa. 

The way at least I wanted to enjoy the game was to make cards on my own (together) with Anon, I will observe and see which ones get voted higher than others to see how “people” react. Maybe SFYA would choose Anon cards from time to time to give feedback and suggestions, then I learn from their feedback and get better. 

On my side, the view is “Anon is making cards, if other people don’t like it, they don’t. If they do, then cool.” We are not hurting anyone, we just wanted to make cards. Turns out, this was a lot more controversial, way, way, way more controversial than I thought. 

The philosophy behind the VC and SFYA seems to be: “We want to make the best possible game with good designs.” Cards need good flavor, cards that create interesting effects and unique archetypes, the game should encourage replayability and it should be balanced. If the cards aren’t good, then we will give feedback to improve the quality of the cards. 

Edit: I started writing this section under the premise of “Best Experience for Me” vs. “Best Game” approach where Anon/Zinker has Best Experience for Me in mind while VC&SFYA has Best Game in mind, but the more I write, the more I realized that that is a terrible framework to use. I wrote three paragraphs under that assumption, I think they still have some values when it comes to showing the difference in mentality and how that creates conflicts and kept them in the blog. 

Should “Failures” be posted to the Subreddit? 

Let’s start with “failure” as an example, for me, when I just started out, “failure” was an expectation, it is something to “get out of my system” since “first cards” will always be bad, but I can learn from the process of making the card. Make card -> Post card -> See reaction/feedback -> Make card was my expected cycle for card making. This is the best way I could get into designing without feeling too much psychological burden. I posted cards that I know and I think are bad because that would be the “best experience for me”, I never criticized monsterland for their designs because I wanted them to feel the same experience I want. 

For VC & SFYA, “failure” is an eyesore, since they viewed cards posted to Reddit as the “final card” and that prototypes that don’t work should never get posted in the first place. Make card -> Get feedback -> Improve card -> Post card -> See reaction/feedback -> Make card was their expected cycle. This would be an “ideal” way of improvement and the “best” way of making higher quality cards. To me, that would also involve a lot of sacrifices in terms of self-expression in both design and balance, the process can also be a lot slower and “unfun”. 

Majority of users uses second approach: Post to Card Lab, then post the card. Or sometimes gets flamed for bad approach to balance or design of the card and then the user take it down and repost after the feedback. The Anon approach was “counter culture” to say the least and that rubbed people in the wrong way (Further complexity is created when the perception is that one single Anon designed and flooded 18 cards in a day rather than three Anons each designing 6 cards and post to Subredit together)

Difference in Feedback

The philosophy changes the way the feedback is given between the VC/SFYA and Anon/ Gokun&Zinker, and why the outrage and resentment in the server feel endless. 

When the card design isn’t up to par and doesn’t match their vision, the feedback given by SFYA/VC is similar to one of a “competitive sports setting”. “This card is overpowered, you screwed up, can you please step up your game?” 

Anon gives feedback differently, what Magneter said was very true: “Feedback (in the Anon server) was given in a way to help the creator push their vision rather than helping the vision of the feedbacker”. 

I treated Collective more like a game jam and I have rarely ever given feedback to other Anon members, especially when they aren’t asking for them. I didn’t want to be negative and sometimes I would be impressed with a design and still not say anything, I keep the thoughts to myself because the most important thing is for all of us to develop the courage to make anything at all, the courage to create miracles. 

The quality of cards made by Anon/I is lower in general, sure, but why would that be an issue? It seems that there is a “criteria” for who can make cards for this game, and if that “criteria” isn’t met, then they shouldn’t be allowed to make cards. 

Difference in Wording Standards

Everyone wants a Wording Standard but to a different degree. I feel that I am closer to Zinker on this area. I think the wording standard should be strict so that people know how the game works and that it is consistent. 

I believe if we are restricting the amount of tools a player has when it comes to making a design, that creates frustration. Any updates that attempt to redesign a card is an example of that. However, the way a designer word a card has very little element of “self-expression” usually. Whenever Zinker told me suggestions such as “You don’t need to write out Create in play since it is a unit, you just need to say Create”, I never feel bad about it. But when it comes to changing the way a card works mechanically, that can feel frustrating because it can be as if my skin is getting peeled off. 

When Bonk said, “I worded this way because that is how Eternal worded the card”... Bro. We are playing Collective, not Eternal. Time to go to the Anon VC that doesn't exist and rant about how Bonk UTTERLY failed at wording a card. 

Difference in… 

I started writing this thinking that “Anon & Zinker” are closer to the “Best Experience for Me” kind of individualism while the VC&SFYA are closer to “Making sacrifices to make the Best Game” but the more I think about it, the reality was very far away from that. 

The whole Anon hate train was that people didn’t like monsterland’s designs and parts of their personality and ideology, and then once they went anonymous, it was easy to develop negative narratives on someone they already subconsciously dislike. They didn’t dislike Anonymous because they were Anonymous, they disliked Anonymous because they knew that monsterland was in it and then pretended that there is something inherently wrong with using Anonymous as an ID. 

The reality is that maybe Anon could be so selfless that they just give up on Anon as soon as the negative narrative started developing, or that the main server started to try to incorporate Anon as a part of the community (by you know, reviewing their cards without being hostile at the same time because Anon was willing to discuss card ideas/balances and did that until the overall hostility became far too much), but everyone had their self-interest and their own perception in mind, everyone just wanted the “best experience for me”. 

Oftentimes, when the idea of “player experience” is brought up, it is “my experience”. Me. Me. Me. Me Me Me. 

Collective in July.7th. The server is silent, Puapka has become incapable of speaking a sentence without mentioning Daylings, VC Gang is gone and chilling in a different server, Lovepon advertises his anime cube to himself, sidewalk creates a Google Form asking people what are their best memories of this game without anyone else submitting, Magneter & Zinker talking about what the game could have been without anyone listening to them. 

Collective is a beautiful mirror where everyone can kiss themselves while staring at it. Collective in July.7th 2023, has finally reached Collective R3al Form. 

Death of Collective: New Designer Experience

When I was very new to the game, a Collective card took half an hour to come up with an ability, an hour to read up the lore of the realms, and sometimes four to five hours to block the cards after the card creator break down or discovering that certain effects, I just don’t know how to do it. As a person with a full-time job and 12 hours of free time every weekend, I was sometimes spending 6 of it on just making one single Collective card. 

These efforts are done for absolutely free, it is time-consuming, they are most likely wasted efforts, and if you don’t get your designs dissected and chopped into the way other people want them to be, they are dogshit. It is one thing getting flamed in a video game, but getting flamed in Collective after countless hours of grinding is something else. 

“Professionals” might appreciate real, honest, and hostile feedback. But based on the assumption of “I want to spend my weekend doing something fun”, making cards to cater to the needs and fantasies of others is more like working rather than playing. There were even times when I had to “escape from Collective” by working because my coworkers don’t insult me/Anon or make up bullshit conspiracies the way Collective “community” do. 

I felt that for my designs to be acceptable to the community, I would have to: Study illustration and practice drawing for 3 years, play 10 more card game titles and write a thesis on them, write a fully-fledged lore that is easily relatable and not barebone at the same time, study the gameplay pattern of every hero, and hire 5 full-time employees with strong knowledge in various aspects of game making to be in the Anon Studio…

Okay. To be real, the demands probably aren’t that high, but high enough that even avid card game fans will probably struggle with Collective. 

I think this would be a good time to apologize for all my mistakes in the past. 

I am sorry that I put Exemplar on Sneak. I played 8 months of Collective without ever encountering interactions between Kyung Mi and EXP gain and didn’t have the Gold to buy KM. 

I am sorry that a Gun was put into Mind Affinity, Gun is a symbol of violence and Gun Shot had to be Strength affinity, this design choice was a huge blunder. 

I am sorry that I wasn’t aware that the thing on Jack of All Trades wasn’t a pocket, it was technically something else. Calling it “The Pocket” was a terrible decision, sorry. 

I am sorry that I wasn’t aware of the aesthetic identity of Upplinkk and put Garbage Golem into Upplinkk, also wasn’t aware that I am allowed to change the names of the cards to something that is different than what is listed, except for the times where the creator comes up to me and say “Why are you naming my cards differently?” and I didn’t read their mind well enough. 

I am sorry that I wasn’t aware that “Troll Fighter” is a troll and thus, couldn’t be a human. I didn’t consume Western media enough and assumed that Troll is just a Prankster. 

I am sorry that Jack of All Trades turned out to be a weak card, tool kit cards are not good and useful in general in Standard of Collective, absolutely unplayable compared to other cards that actually supported a game plan. Subconsciously using MtG’s Draft Shaft cards as a reference to make cards in Collective is nothing but delusional of me. 

I am sorry that I couldn’t make Hand-Less archetype complete. It just had one decently unique card in it (which is probably an utter failure of design but I wasn’t there when VC may/may not have reacted to Big Hat Molly so I will never know). AI generation sucked and nothing cohesive could be made, and that is my fault for not studying illustration while younger. 

I am sorry that the community had to suffer through looking at so many terrible and worst yet, salvageable designs. But due to my and the rest of Anon’s incredible hatefulness, those designs never improved and only got worse as time went on. 

I am sorry that when monsterland wanted to make cards, I didn’t just say “Sorry, you are banned from making cards forever.” I should have implemented a 200 pages documents of rules on what can or cannot be designed. I am sorry that their bad designs single handily destroyed the entire community both mentally and physically. 

I am sorry that we even got Sevas into all of this. Sevas is a good person, I swear, swear to God that he is a good person. Oh. My God just told me that Vampire and Event tribes belong to Martyrdom. I am sorry for having such a horrible God. 

I am sorry that I used AI arts because I couldn’t draw. I created so many cards that just lacked the spirit that makes Collective, Collective. The AI drained the soul away. 

I am sorry that SFYA had to cancel an entire week of the show because Anon made too many designs. If only I studied 5 years of Digital Media rather than Human Resources, and if only I spent 5 more years in the game industry, I would have influenced monsterland to rebrand Cult of Anon into Studio Anon with full-time passionate card-making employees. 

I am sorry Collective. I am just not skilled enough and didn’t have the time. 

Death of Collective: Everything sucks

I think the 10 cards per week system created a “competitive” environment where cards are naturally judged between the realm of “good” vs. “not good” because the scarcity of only 10 can make it in. 

A repeated point is “my card can’t get in if there are too many submissions” which is very true, but I will also add that the 10 per week shifted the whole narrative behind the way cards are talked about. “Card A is good, card B is bad, I want A more and will now downvote B” rather than a more cooperative narrative. 

Everyone has their reasons on why Collective died, I think Collective’s biggest failure is that it couldn’t cater to the “casual designers” because why would someone with a huge amount of skill set in art and design dedicate all their free time to Collective, where all the profits earned are given to the developers rather than the designers themselves? The entire premise of Collective is based on one competitive design mode where over time, the “fit” ones survived and the other ones left. 

People talk about the game having a shitty tutorial, but the “design difficulty curve” is one that is actually shocking. Realm owners, Vetoes, Art Sheets, and all the unspoken rules of design philosophy… are not knowledge that is easily learnable through common sense even after hundreds of hours of playing and chatting. When these rules are broken, people in this community have shown incapability for tolerance. 

However, the feeling of joy while designing is definitely not something that is talked about as much as the feeling of joy/pain while playing. When ideas around how to fix the game are being talked about, the committee seems to want to address the “game” itself over other factors. New heroes and Econ change don’t address the worst problem that Collective has, as the core loop of 10 cards per week caters to a few, not many. 

I have no clue what the solution is, and that is the theme of Collective overall. Everyone points out problem A, problem B, problem C, problem D… Unpaid volunteers are not going to kill themselves to fix the game. Nothing gets done, and then it dies. 

The ultimate death of Collective was the death of hype. The developers/committee had no time and no budget. The dominant narrative was that there is nothing to get excited about anymore. The cards that get in are “terrible”, the designs people submit are “stupid”, the heroes are unbalanced, and the cards are unbalanced, the game is ruined until X gets fixed but then players don’t want it to be fixed because they fail to see it as a problem. Debates ensue and people resent each other even more. 

The February Patreon announcement gave me and I believe a few other people, a sense of “messiah complex” of “I can save the game”. But, I don’t want to play Collective all the time, and the feeling of “I can’t quit because if I do, the game wouldn’t live on” really sucks, it was dreadful, and it was tiring. The last few players burnt out and there was nothing left. 

Five years of Collective, I was there for the last two of them. it was a good run, GG. 

Ending Notes

When I started writing this reflection, I was filled with rage and anger. I wrote three paragraphs ranting about how much I hated everyone, I had hundreds of insults stored in my head during the process of thinking about what happened in the past, but I deleted them since now I feel at peace after writing everything on paper. 

VC Gang, if you ever make a game of any type, please let me play it. I think you guys are a bunch of haters, who can only talk trash but don’t have the skill to back it up (Not applicable to Lyman since he is a good artist and designer but maybe he can take it to the next level?). I want to see what you guys are capable of, I want to see you guys prove me wrong.

Acoustic seems happy that the game died, I am happy, too. It is good that we have finally found a common ground to stand on, we have finally become a Collective.