New Year. 2022. Let’s just try to talk things out. 

In music, there is a genre called improvisation. I listened to a few tracks before and the music failed to convey anything. Only a few hipsters pretend that they found the “hidden meaning” and tell every other netizen “if you don’t understand it then shut up!”

I admire improvisation makers somewhat. I love the idea of one’s attempt to become purely self. I want to be myself, but I, myself, do not exist. No one exists on this planet. 

This is Lovepon’s freestyle writing improvisation about Lovepon’s year of 2021. It has hidden meanings that only a few special kinds of people can dig up into their brain, immortalizing it on their gravestones, and watering it during their sleepwalks. 

How was 2021? 

Nothing. There is nothing sayable about 2021. 2021 was 2021. 

>

It feels like recently I have been just living on autopilot. Well, it hasn’t been a recent thing. I have always been just living on autopilot. 

I started the year wanting to try more games to expand my horizon. Sounds like a very counterintuitive goal, but I think I achieved that to an extent? 

So what? It hasn’t helped me with the goal of creating a game. But why create a game? 

Why do we play games? Recently, I have begun to realize how difficult it is to play games. Games are so effortful and unrewarding. 

My life has just become a cycle of flopping through those few same webs again and again, and the same built-in habits that I can’t get rid of. Sure, I have quit Facebook. But now it is just repeated swaps between YouTube, Smut, and Reddit. A few cheap laughs and a few cheap thrills. 

Is that all there is? I wrote a few ideas for a game, but it seems like all there is to my game is that, a few laughs and thrills. 

Between a roll of toilet paper and a video game, which one is more useful? Which one is more special? Is that even a question? The toilet paper is much more special. 

Recently, my toilet paper has been talking to me. Toilet paper has been asking me to *checking the about section of my blog*. Right, it has been asking me to kill all video games. 

But, were video games ever alive in the first place? I have been obsessing over wanting to kill video games, but I think whether video games live or not all depends on the palm of my fingers. As long as I can’t see others playing video games, then it doesn’t exist. 

These jokes are not funny, Lovepon. Try to think of something actually clever and insightful and quirky. Toilet paper, do you have anything you would like to say? 

I love my job, it is much more useful than your job and the mission ever will be Lovepon. 

Is this it? Is toilet paper the one that will ruin my 21st life? 

What is your list of goals you want to achieve this year, Lovepon? You never wished for anything before because you were always too cynical towards the point. 

The list of goals is too heavy of a burden to carry. It is okay to carry it once a year I suppose. Just being alive is an accomplishment in itself isn’t it Lovepon? 

If the list of goals is too heavy of a burden, then maybe writing it on toilet paper will help make it weigh less! 

Okay here are my goals. Okay, let’s write about goals later I just thought of something important. 

The researchers. The gamers. The humanity has been doing it ALL WRONG the entire time. People give ratings of 1 to 10 for games when numbers mean nothing. Talk about cultural impacts or whatever when culture doesn’t exist. The world does not exist. 

Every game should be put on the “Toilet paper scale”. Heck, every human on planet earth should be put on the “Toilet paper scale”. I believe this invention of scale will KILL ALL VIDEO GAMES. FUCK YES THEY CAN ALL DIE NOW. No game will ever pass the “toilet paper scale”, absolutely nothing. 

Oh, you think that video games are more useful than toilet paper? Oh! Oh my! My stomach! My stomach is not really hurting because this scenario is not real and isn’t funny to me. 

How many video games have you played that are more useful than toilet paper? Would you rather have toilet paper or video games? Oh my… I need 100 packs of toilet paper… 

Here, I will use one roll of toilet paper to write about my goals that are less significant than toilet paper. 

I am about to become a 9-5 worker and let’s be honest, I am too used to the lax lifestyle of the university by now. I have never been thrilled with the idea of working. 

“Oh, you are growing up and going to become an adult” or something. I feel as if I am only free now. What was childhood? 9-3, 4-7 work. 9 hours shifts as a child. Can’t buy anything, can’t fight against anything. 

No point in dwindling on those thoughts. People all live differently and will all decide to vomit different kinds of whatever. Bleh, bleh bleh. 

Okay, but Lovepon. Is Lovepon as useful as toilet paper? 

LOVEPON YOU FOOL. I, THE VIDEO GAME LOVER, AM HERE TO DESTROY TOILET PAPER ONCE FOR ALL! You see Lovepon… Here is the thing about toilet papers: 

Toilet paper cannot make people laugh, cannot make people change their life behaviors, cannot subtly teach people about life, cannot make people feel like they have friends. Toilet paper also isn’t an object of admiration. Toilet paper doesn’t release people from the pressure they feel in life. Toilet paper cannot connect people together. Toilet paper cannot provide people a safe environment for people to experiment with the dangers of the world. Toilet paper cannot convey the same amount of information. 

Toilet paper couldn’t do all these things until now… Lovepon spreads toilet paper onto the ground. Toilet paper became a circle. 

The unnamed video game lover threw everything they could. But it is impossible. 

This is not an unnamed video game lover’s blog, this is Killjoy’s Bedroom Collection. You cannot win in Lovepon’s homeland. Nothing could break Lovepon’s faith in toilet paper. 

Covered in toilet paper. The crowd stared at the situation with surprise. The crowd was not convinced that toilet paper can replace all video games in the world. 

Lovepon. Placed two rolls of toilet paper in front of his chest. Crowds evaporate into gasses of red faces, Lovepon is too hot. Crowds are DOWN BAD for Lovepon. 

Suddenly, a portal popped up. Toilet paper in shortage. Must rob Lovepon Land to get more toilet papers to solve the problem. The supervillain, a piece of white paper containing a signature, takes Lovepon away. 

Lovepon is now at the top of the tower, waiting for heroes to save Lovepon. 

PLEASE SAVE LOVEPON. Lovepon exclaimed. 

The crowds decide to climb the tower, jumping one by one. A world without Lovepon, the being with two toilet paper rolls in front of Lovepon’s chest. Is unlivable. 

Unnamed video game lover in shambles. With toilet paper and Lovepon sitting at the top of the world, there is no need for video games anymore. 

Unnamed video game lover, recognizing the shortness of their breath, decide to climb up anyway. There is no direction but up. Nothing exists in the world but their own lonely soul, their own discipline, and their destiny to eventually reach it or die trying. 

Lovepon reached the top of the world. But at what cost? Is there anything left when Lovepon is at the top? 

“I want to be at the top 3 times in a row,” Lovepon said. 

Lovepon is now at the top 3 times in a row. 

“I want to be at the top 5 times in a row,” Lovepon said. 

Lovepon is now at the top 5 times in a row. 

“I want to be at the top forever,” Lovepon said. 

Lovepon is now at the top forever. 

“If I am at the top forever, then why are they still climbing?” Lovepon asked. 

“Climbing is their only way of survival.” Lovepon, with 20 years of industrial experience, answered Lovepon. 

“Is climbing fun? I want to climb as well. It is kind of boring up here.”

“You are already at the top, Lovepon, how can you climb even higher?”

“If I prevent others from climbing up, isn’t that a way of climbing for me who is at the top?”

Lovepon, you can answer that question for yourself. 

Lovepon, who is never able to find the perfect answer, jumped down. There was no direction but down because the thrill of climbing up cannot be experienced otherwise. Lovepon wanted to fall as hard as possible. 

Lovepon jumped from the top in an attempt to reach the bottom pit. Lovepon’s followers jumped down. They formed a pit of a human bouncy castle. Lovepon reached the bottom pit safely. 

Lovepon sighed in relief. Now that Lovepon is at the bottom, Lovepon can finally climb up to save Lovepon at the top. 

This adventure only exists thanks to toilet paper. Toilet paper has successfully replaced Games in society, and the latter is no longer needed.

Killjoy’s bedroom collection is now a blog dedicated to getting rid of toilet papers! Hurray! 

Okay. Now that this story is over. Let me talk about something that has been bugging my mind. Vtubers. They are living in my head, rent-free. All-day. 

For the past year, I spent a huge portion of my time watching Vtubers. I think the only way to get myself to watch them less is to become aware of why I like them so much. Let me try to come up with some reasons… 

They are effortless. For anime/books, I take them too seriously and I would want to watch/read X amount per day or try to get some meaning out of them. Games, not only do I spend some amount of effort analyzing them, all the thinking and actions I have to do can be quite tiring. Vtubers, there is no expectation of deep meaning or the demand of my attention. The same can be said about most social media apps as well. 

They are hilarious. Which is weird, none of them are professional comedians but I really enjoy watching them for the comedy. That is the perks of being a clip watcher I suppose. They are not expected to be funny or expected to be making jokes all the time. Most of the time, the jokes are not forced and it comes as a natural surprise. 

Watching Vtubers has made me realize that human conversation is just like an advanced Procedural Generation game. Well, procedural generation is an imitation of humanity I suppose. Vtubing needs quite a lot of improvisation and I wonder how each of them approaches this craft differently. 

Some are more aware and calculated. Streamer-wise, an extreme example of “formulated style” is Grapplr. He has ~8 catchphrases he uses constantly and the way he analyzes the game feels the same-ish in every video. Pomu Rainpuff is an example of someone who is more “loose” (?) Now that I think about it, pretty much everyone has a somewhat consistent personality. It is about who is more comfortable with going off the “normality”... I guess a great example of this is Petra's Snip Snip on Rosemi. 

The technical issue of Rosemi flashing randomly is not something that a streamer can plan beforehand, but they managed to turn it into a banter conversation following an improvised comedy skit. Petra also managed to subvert her typical character of “getting bullied”, which is a twist that goes against the fan’s expectations. 

They are relatable? I really like Nijisanji and I wish there were more translated clips from them. Hololive, I like them somewhat less but I am still an addict to their clips anyways. 

Vtuber looks are very important as well. How their personality matches the look influences whether I watch them or not. I think Sana, from what I have seen, is a pretty great streamer, but her model takes some time to get used to and that really impacted her popularity somewhat badly. Kronii has a great fit and Mumei as well. It is sad that some Vtubers have great personalities but are much less watchable just because their model doesn’t work. 

Indie Vtubers. It is hard to get introduced to them. This is why Hololive (allegedly, can't be 100% sure) prevents their talents from collabing with Nijisanji ones often times. It feels like oftentimes, people with a similar sub-counts collab with each other only. An invisible ladder where people too high cannot hang out with people who are starting out. Matsuri is an exception I suppose. 

Discoverability. Hololive gets popular, popularity leads to more fans creating fan art, memes, clips, community-created contents make the brand more discoverable and creates more reasons for people to become fans of them, and the cycle of popularity continues.

Raw talent-wise, I think Nijisanji ones are just as good as Hololive ones, but they are much more behind on Subscribers. If Nijisanji and Hololive talents are Indie? 

It does feel weird. I don’t feel like I should have strong reasons to watch Nijisanji/Hololive streamers over the others, but I just watch them anyway. 

Search Bar. My life is too reliant on the search bar. It is like Pavlov’s dog effect. When I type Nijisanji into the search bar, I get something new and interesting to watch. I type Hololive into the search bar, new rewards, I watch. When I type “Indie Vtubers”, I don’t get a full list of independent Vtuber agencies. The only way for me to discover them is to be obsessed with Vtuber wiki perhaps, lack of discoverability tools and complacency of consuming what is already comfortable makes it hard to find them. 

But what kind of job do they serve? Before, I watched Deathsie religiously because he is very analytical, funny, listens to good music, and is Godlike at his craft. I can both get entertained and get educated from watching him. I suppose Vtubers do have that “Slice of Life'' feel to it. Comparing them to the “competitive” streamers, they are more fun to listen to and they have better voices. Sometimes, it also feels like they can be pointless since in the end, they are really normal people so why am I watching them? 

There is also the interaction between the chat and the streamer. For slower chats, the streamer can read each one and talk as if one on one, which makes people feel less lonely. For faster chats, the chat can react to things together, such as “LMAO”, but it is not only you typing “LMAO”, everyone else is as well and it becomes amusing when everyone laughs together. It is comparable to movie theaters, but without spending money. Comparable to laugh tracks for sitcoms, except that the laughs from others are 100% validated and real. 

Nijisanji EN feels like an extremely tight-knit group, it should be fun for people who lack socialization since they would feel like they have friends as well. Hololive collabs as well but I feel that they aren’t as “close”. Nijisanji JP is pretty special, they have regular TV shows, podcasts, and concerts. It feels like EN and JP have very different styles in comparison to one another when it comes to the content they produce and the vibe. 

I am not getting better at life by watching them though. But what is there to get better at for life? If Lovepon just eats and sleeps and gets work done while healthy, what more can Lovepon ask? Why do anything? 

The inevitable, inescapable nihilism. This is the bedroom. How can the world become better in a bedroom? How can purpose be found inside a bedroom collection? Suffering, pain, please show me this to give me the strength to fight an enemy that I currently am incapable of understanding. 

Humans. What are we meant to be? Is violence the inevitable end? 

Pragmatism. Today, I will do X. Tomorrow, I will do Y. Day after, I will do Z. Reason. Because A B C. Motivation. D E F. Death. Self-help books. Friendship. Entertainment. Relationship. Planning. All exist to achieve the goal. My goal is to create another goal after my goal is achieved. My next goal is to create a goal that has already been achieved by everyone else but I will achieve it for the sake of achieving it to achieve things. 

Pragmatism. I will sleep. ____ New Year.